Compiled by Guillermo Troncoso.
Writing for a movie website is undeniably awesome. There’s something truly satisfying about seeing a great movie and typing up your opinion for the world to see. Alas, with great power comes great responsibility. Bad movies need to be seen as well. How else will we be able to warn you against such stinkers? Here are our choices for the Worst Ten Films of 2013. Enjoy?
10. Kick-Ass 2
What we said: An underdeveloped and unfocussed cash-in. Putting aside all the contrived and completely unnecessary subplots, these are some of the worst realised characters put on screen since The Last Airbender.
9. A Good Day to Die Hard
What we said: Everything from the tired plot to the cringe-worthy dialogue makes this not only a bad Die Hard flick, but a bad film in general. Once the embarrassingly-cheesy walk-into-the-sunset ending comes around, you’ll be thankful the film only has a short running time.
8. The Last Stand
What we said: The film has the feel of a straight-to-video release. The story is so generic and clichéd that you’ll find your interest wandering constantly. The number of issues bringing this film down adds up faster than the body count does. A disposable Arnie vehicle.
7. One Chance
What we said: It doesn’t come as much of a surprise to see Britain’s Got Talent co-creator Simon Cowell credited as one of the film’s producers. Seriously, the entire thing comes across an elongated contestant “background” snippet. Formulaic and cringe-worthy to the extreme, One Chance – has lost just that.
What we said: It’s almost impressive how quickly R.I.P.D. takes all of the usual ingredients in your summer action blockbuster and turns it into a disaster. Lazily written characters are held together with a plotline so thin it might as well not exist, leaving neither writer nor actor with any clue of what to do with it.
What we said: Sickeningly saccharine, focusing on Princess Diana’s whirlwind love affair with her heart surgeon and layering that romance with enough schmaltz and sugary sweetness to make Nicholas Sparks cringe. Cringe-inducingly soppy and devoid of any real emotional weight.
4. After Earth
What we said: A nail in the coffin for any of the talent or promise this once gifted director pissed away with his pretentiousness and pride. After Earth is a hollow mess with none of the personality or suspense of M. Night Shyamalan’s earlier films, but all the unapologetic self-indulgence of his later ones.
3. Only God Forgives
What we said: Pretentiousness isn’t a terrible sin in the world of cinema, but an insulting sense of self-reverence and importance isn’t a good thing to have. The best way to describe this film would be if someone gave you a box wrapped in beautiful packaging. Not only do you open it to find it empty, but that person punches you in the face too.
2. The Smurfs 2
What we said: Terrible song choices, mediocre visual effects, awful dialogue and an overly preachy message. Yes, The Smurfs 2 manages to tick off as many negative boxes as you can in a children’s film.
1. The Incredible Burt Wonderstone
What we said: Steve Carrell, what were you thinking? The Incredible Burt Wonderstone isn’t a bad film – it’s a terrible one. The awkward jokes and tiresome acting really begin to get on your nerves and you’ll find yourself chugging your drink for an excuse to go to the bathroom.
Agree? Disagree? Just want to rant? Let us know your thoughts in the comments section below and tell us if there are any films you think should be included on the list. Make sure you check out our Top Ten Films of 2013.